i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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