see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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