There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
