Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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