I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
