Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
