YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
