I accidentally had phone sex last night
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
