what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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