can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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