You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
