I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
