I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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