Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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