he puts the penis in happiness.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
