Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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