May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
