So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
