Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
