man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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