Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Randomize
