I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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