You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All the doctor said was why
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
