K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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