yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize