Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
