The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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