i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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