What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
