just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
