you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
