Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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