We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
