OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I look better un-naked...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
