Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize