Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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