Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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