There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have tasted many bathrooms
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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