his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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