why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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