I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
