i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
even my farts smell like vagina
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
