i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
