office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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