shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
