it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
