How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
