He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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