I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
