Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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