what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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