I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
