So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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