Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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