How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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