Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
