You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
