The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
