I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
