hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
