Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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