if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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