Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize