I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize