All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
