Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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