he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
