ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize