sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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