i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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