You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
