I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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