bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My day in three words: secret purse cake
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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