he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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