The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
