He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
