Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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