i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
