is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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