so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
