i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize