Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
