new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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