CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
