I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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